I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
