I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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