I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just had sex bonerless
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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