I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
