Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
