But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think weed is turning my hair brown
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
