I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
