I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
