break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
