So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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