The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
