im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
how does that bad decision feel?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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