were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
