I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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