so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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