She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
