Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
