White coat. Heels.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
