So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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