I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
