Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh god it's open bar.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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