I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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