Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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