dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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