when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
