Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
