I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
