i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
