Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
