oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
