The maid of honor just puked.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
