yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
