Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
