Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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