I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
