I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The struggles of a small town man whore
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
