I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
