I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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