Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
