loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
