I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The best revenge is premature balding
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
