Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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