I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
