So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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