someone threw a dead crab at me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
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