We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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