when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
