I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
