he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
