I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
