:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
