i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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