My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
