I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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