i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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