I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
