i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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