You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
operation harelip BJ is a go
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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