She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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