i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
