you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
