idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
