i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
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I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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