He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
