wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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