How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
