Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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